Oh, Lovely Horrible Day

Despite the fact that I got up at 3:30 in the freaking afternoon, it has been a long day. I have discovered many things about myself...and learned nothing. I am very sick of happy couples...they piss me off so much. Why? Because I haven't been in a "happy couple" for a few years now. And that, my friends, is indeed a depressing thought. Not to mention I have had my heart broken now so many times by such a small amount of people that rejection just might be my greatest fear...which is why I try not to put myself on the line much anymore. You would think by now I would have heard enough hurtful words to be able to take anything...but you'd be wrong. The same words from a different mouth can hurt equally...I fear that too. I'm sorry, do I sound like I'm complaining? Good, because I am. And another thing, here is something I have learned that you all should take to heart: I was unhappy in a relationship. *gasp* I know I know, you sit by and think you want a thing for so long that once you have it, you realize just how much you really didn't want it at all (did that make sense?). Anyway, I'm sitting here, unhappy in this relationship, and I see two options: One was trying to fix it. So I asked myself, "Is this worth fixing?" Finding the answer to be no, I went to option two, ending it. Well, in the actual pursuing of option two, trying to fix things sort of came up, but we both decided in the end that breaking up was best. And guess what? I was happier from that point! Now I'm not even sure if writing that was more to my benefit or yours, but do with it what you will. But the point is I was better off.I guess I have learned something about myself. I really don't like living my life. Don't tell me that's cynical-it's true. It's completely and totally true. Not only is my life boring as hell (maybe that's just break, I don't know), but I find myself day by day looking for what I truly want, and finding that I just can't have it. I figure God is probably trying to get back at me for all the sins. I have learned one other thing, which only one person who may or may not read this can take seriously and understand. I have come to realize that I just want things the way they were. Like in the summer...but I can't even have that anymore. Well, I'm going to go now. Not to bed, but to do something of entertaining value until maybe I fall asleep. Goodbye...